Have you ever been flipping through the channels on your television and thought to yourself, "Man, there's all these shows but nothing but garbage on!" In reality, this thought typically replaces the word "garbage" with a less eloquent term, the likes of which I'm not comfortable including in my blog!
Well, to prove my point, that TV has really gone down the toilet, I was engaged in said channel surfing the other day, and ran across a show being offered by none other than the History Channel called "All About Dung!" I'm not kidding! I thought to myself, "It's finally happened. TV producers have at last figured out that we will watch anything!" After all, if viewers will actually sit through reality shows like "Wife Swap" without organizing open revolt and torch-and-pitchfork-bearing mobs to storm the TV studios, then why not take programming to its inevitable conclusion -- a show about dung!
Have I tempted you? Well, dear reader, just take a look at the show's description as found on the History Channel's website...
Join host Monty Halls as he investigates the historical, medical, scientific and evolutionary importance of poop on an excremental safari guaranteed to fascinate even the most squeamish of viewers. You'll be surprised by the amazing manner in which the world puts dung to use. Discover that through a 14,000-year-old human dung deposit it has been determined that humans inhabited North America 1300 years earlier than previously thought. Climb a 100-foot mountain of bat guano in Borneo that is teeming with insect life. Travel to India and view housewarming rituals using sacred cow dung as good luck. Finally Halls drinks coffee made from poop and investigates, through their large droppings, why mammoths might have disappeared.
WOW! Now that's entertainment!! So, the next time you are surfing the channels and thinking to yourself, "Man, there's nothing but (*bleep*) on TV!" remember, you're right! Why not just accept it? Then poop, I mean POP, yourself some popcorn, and grab a Baby Ruth or some Milk Duds, and sit back and enjoy!
. . .Of course, you could read a book.
3 comments:
Hmmm.... I think I prefer a good book - or even a just OK book!
57 Channels and Nothin' On
by Bruce Springsteen
I bought a bourgeois house in the Hollywood hills
With a truckload of hundred thousand dollar bills
Man came by to hook up my cable TV
We settled in for the night my baby and me
We switched 'round and 'round 'til half-past dawn
There was fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Well now home entertainment was my baby's wish
So I hopped into town for a satellite dish
I tied it to the top of my Japanese car
I came home and I pointed it out into the stars
A message came back from the great beyond
There's fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Well we might'a made some friends with some billionaires
We might'a got all nice and friendly
If we'd made it upstairs
All I got was a note that said "Bye-bye John
Our love is fifty-seven channels and nothin' on"
So I bought a .44 magnum it was solid steel cast
And in the blessed name of Elvis well I just let it blast
'Til my TV lay in pieces there at my feet
And they busted me for disturbin' the almighty peace
Judge said "What you got in your defense son?"
"Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on"
I can see by your eyes friend you're just about gone
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on...
Fifty-seven channels and nothin'
copyright © 1992 Bruce Springsteen (ASCAP)
No thanks necessary, Chris. I totally saved the Bruce reference for you!
-Jen
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