Thursday, October 2, 2008

The Orb of Confusion!


My kids love the cartoon SpongeBob Squarepants! For those of you not familiar with this highly-sophisticated animated series, the show centers on its protagonist, SpongeBob, a sea sponge, his friends, and his job at the local burger joint -- the Crusty Crab. Like any good cartoon, the forces of good and evil are portrayed, and the series also boasts its own superheros, Mermaid Man and his trusty sidekick, Barnacle Boy, who are periodically called into action to fend off their arch nemesis, ManRay (who is eventually captured and imprisoned in frozen tartar sauce!). Like I said, it's highly sophisticated.

In one episode, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy go on vacation and leave their secret cave and all its hi-tech weapons (including the Boat-mobile) in the care of SpongeBob and his best friend, Patrick (a cognitively-challenged starfish). While surveying the cave, they discover ManRay, suspended in the frozen tartar sauce, and accidentally thaw him, whence he recommences his effort to take over the world -- WHAA-HA-HA-HA-HA (diabolical laughter)! On his way out, ManRay steals all of the superheros' secret weapons, leaving SpongeBob and Patrick defenseless --EXCEPT for one weapon he overlooked! The Orb of Confusion!

This grapefruit-sized orb, when switched on, renders anyone within a certain radius very confused, thus making them much easier to capture! SpongeBob and Patrick, of course, end up using the device on themselves accidentally, turning them into tongue-lolling, drool-producing, eye-rolling, stupefied morons incapable of doing anything but standing in place while uttering the classic "Duuuuuhhh!" -- essentially, not too different from their normal operating mode.

So, what on earth does this have to do with ANYTHING?! Well, I've been watching the election coverage and the financial crisis coverage for a while now, and have determined one thing. The Orb of Confusion seems to have found its way into Washington and is rendering our government useless! A resounding "Duuuuhhhh!" seems to be emanating from the halls of our Capital, and the mouths of the majority of our news media! Fortunately for us, we have a SuperHero who's always on the scene and who's plan cannot be thwarted even by Orb-stricken government officials, confused talking heads, or even our arch nemeses around the world! So, as I watch in disbelief the Orb in action, I can take heart that our SuperHero, God Himself, is on the job!

3 comments:

Leonora said...

Steve's FAVORITE cartoon. He has his own private collection : )
Gee, and I thought it was the sophisticated dialogue...give him a Sponge Bob episode and a bag of Good 'n Plenty and he is in heaven.
Now I will be watching for the "Orb of Confusion". Now that you point this out, I'm sure it does exist!

s said...

I was laughed at recently for citing Spongebob as the source of my etiquette knowledge. Some people were inquiring as to the proper manner of beverage drinking, and whether or not to lift ones pinky. I politely informed them that "when in doubt pinky out" could be applied to any beverage situation. They asked where I had gained such useful wisdom, when I told them it was from a Spongebob episode they looked at me as if struck by the "orb of confusion." Some folks just don't get it.

Anonymous said...

You are wrong, ManRay did not take ALL of Mermaidman and Barnicale Boy's weapons. You failed to recall the "tickle belt" that was placed on ManRay by Mermaidman which was used on him once in a previous episode. Spongebob and Patrik teaches ManRay to be good by pressing the tickle button whenever ManRay begins to act naughty. Thus, ManRay is cured of all his evil.